"Cutting my finger off after, at the age of twelve, finding that the only thing that gave me peace, which was playing the guitar?... Very unlikely..."
(Fragment from Johnny Depp's deposition)
The first part of my coverage (in Italian) of the Depp/Heard court case, written while the case was still being debated.
Dazed and confused
In Los Angeles they said it was unheard of. It is certainly the mother of all reality shows.
You will find in this “Island of the Really Famous” (real or perhaps imaginary) vodka bottle-amputated fingers, ‘vaginal searches’, bisexuality, fear of cuckoldry, impotence, low-gear sexuality, all of which drowned in “mega pints” of alcohol, MDMA, shrooms, or equally worrying legit meds. Plus, of course, tense marital relationships. And, well, also Elton John.
Yes, I am talking about the Depp vs. Heard lawsuit.
When you'll read this, you'll know the verdict. As they have not even begun the cross-examination of the alleged slanderer, to date all I can tell about it is that it is a colossal job. A marketing job: to erase Johnny Depp’s public image as a “wife beater” and re-establish him on the A list of actors and old pirates.
Let's be clear: for many people this is just a brawl between two poorly raised children, born in a privileged part of the world, distracting us with their pettiness and luxuries. And God knows how much luxury is waved about here: from the "cool trailer park" where the couple stays in the mood for various picnics, to the penthouses (so numerous that they are called by number: "I was in Penthouse 5"), to the "expensive Spanish wine" Vega Sicilia, to houses on private islands in the middle of the Caribbean, to the black Range Rover and the 'only' three houses the divorcee asks Depp for, etc.
The colossal success of the live broadcasts on YouTube! of the trial would force us to look for the reasons beyond the logical triad of sex, violence and celebrities. And beyond an indisputably toxic relationship. So toxic that from being the accuser the victim has now become the accused of being the predator.
Amber Heard appears as a frigid blonde at times and a tearful offended party at others. She is the femme fatale of the story, with this fluctuation between victim (probable role) and executioner (confirmed role; hear for ref. the recording in which she goes into a tirade about “hitting” versus “punching”, to explain that hitting Johnny is good while punching Johnny is not.)
Johnny is not, fluctuating. He's solid; in his own way. In fact, Johnny is your man, if you ever think it’s high time to defend also abuses perpetrated on men by rabid women.
As an actor, he is frankly the best of his generation. More than this, he is the long arm of the Hunter Thompson tradition, singers of a raw and bastard Americana, which Depp personified well (and then directed badly) as main role of “The Brave”, his only directorial effort.
For the rest
his acting (I mean: deposition) is a peak in his career. A voice control on par with the young Atreidis of "Dune", a Miles Davisian use of silence and pauses, and the funnily buzzing teasing, directed at Heard's impertinent counselor [
nomen omen] Rottenborn.
While we wait for the results of this lottery, I could venture into saying that this feuilleton's success is due to Johnny's image as a rocker. Indeed: this trial is “rockers vs. ROW.” Like when Heard plays the card of a photo portraying a coveted “Johnny Depp style” breakfast: a glass of whiskey and four lines of white powder. To a suspecting audience the ex-wife confirms “It’s cocaine”, meaning: look at the garbage dump he made me live in! But, looking carefully at the photo, on top of the pile of books (above the cocaine and next to the whiskey) you notice a Keith Richards CD and -ploing!- instant memories of a Delta blues played with the slide I bet came immediately to the Jurors' minds, with memories of throats washed down with bourbon spread through the ether of the courtroom.
This story has a lot of Rolling Stones and Zep about it. So much so that Depp recalls remaining “dazed and confused” during one the fights and beatings he says he suffered from the frigid blonde, aka the Turd. Oh yes, this whole story has something Bozo-Bonhamian about it. The bohemian twist of proposing a “legìt” representative of the fully intoxicated (or, following Johnny, "self-medicated".) And, positive verdict or not, the audience (media say) has already chosen pro Ed Scissorhands.
Depp, who was a guitarist before being an actor, he's a role model by profession, sub-section "limited rebellion figures." After the Deans and the Brandos and the Elvises and Jims, Johnny Depp imposes a new role model cast straight out from “Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas.” Musicians-name-dropping at the trial (Elton John, "Kif" Richards, Tom Waits, Marylin Manson...) evidences how the rebellious rock-star life-style is back en vogue. Not sure it will become sustainable practice for households...
Should drug dependence become the rule and not the exception, let's get ready for partners advocating a perpetual mental Las Vegas in their head ("don't they say that every moment is a happy hour?" Depp asked rhetorically to the jury...), with a suitcase full of psychoactives ("I learned that Johnny on opiates was different from the one on quaaludes, the one on cocaine from the one on amphetamines..." his ex-wife will remember) but always ready to strum one more Whole Lotta Love with Depp's Hollywood Vampires.
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Published on BlowUp magazine, June 2022 issue.